Steve's anecdotes

[hudstar]

One of the possibly under-appreciated features of the shows and podcasts might be Steve Merchants anecdotes. I wish I could tell of half my experiences with as much wit and detail as the goggle-eyed one.

Of his many wild adventures, my favourite tale of his has got to be when he went to Rio and nearly drowned trying to take a whizz in the sea. As Ricky says, Steve is so white you could see his heart like a newborn fish.

Anyone else remember their favourite Merchant stories?

[catfood]

The one where he got the complete speeches of sir Winston Churchill from his dad.

First funny bit: His dad saying "Never forget, son." And Steve replied "I don't remember, dad."

And then when he and his dad are in Steve's room listening to one of the speeches, and his sister and one of her rather attractive friends walk by.

Imagine that! Poor bastard.

[Dimus Mankoid]

My three fave moments of this that always make me laugh are:

"Can we meet back at you?" (when two women see him on fireworks night, because he is so tall they decide to 'meet back at him' then get into a car and drive off to a party without even saying thank you or inviting him)

"His facial hair? It was laughable, I'm not even wasting my time" (when over hearing a women on a train describe a man she just met on a platform, he decides not to bother)

"There I was, up to my knees in the sea, waving to two beautiful women, without my glasses on, with my cock out" (After trying to piss in the sea, having to take his glasses off, he gets swept along the beach and has to wave to his friends for help, but he can't see them so the situation unravels)

[rainysmellboys]

The funniest by far is Steve on the beach in Rio, and when he's got diarrhoea on the plane back.

I love all of Steve's stories involving women. Stand-outs are the one with Rita the Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, him reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance while Martin Wells was dancing around with no trousers on and when he went to a singles party and tried to "neg" a woman by telling her her ears were too big for her head.

[Dimus Mankoid]

I can't even imagine Steve at that age, I've seen Ricky, but Steve was about 6'5 by the age of 15 "You must have been like a bean pole!" - Ricky

[pilkingbod]

I like Steve's stories where he's got into really improbable and embarassing situations. He told a variation of an anecdote where he gets trapped in a toilet - in one version he's trapped in to loo in his house and has to ring his housemate to bash the door down, and another version where he's at a party and he asks a friend to bring him toilet roll. I also love the story where he's trying to impress a girl by reading a philosophical book, and the girl walks in and says, 'Ooh, sorry, wrong room!'

[Dimus Mankoid]

What makes the 'stuck in a toilet' story worse, is that he was minutes away from talking to 50 million people on the world service Then he went ahead and TOLD them the story, haha.

[lwatkins]

Reading Zen and the art to motorcycle maitenance in the other dressing room. Thats one of the best... along with the Rio one.

[Dimus Mankoid]

Girl - "Have you seen him?"
Steve - "I think he's in the other room"

Then she left, what a great annecdote.

[lwatkins]

"Then I came with my trousers off"
"Why?"
"Well it worked for bloody Martin Wells!" ahahaha